When Something Doesn’t Feel Right

Podcasts, people! Where have I been? 

In this season, they are so much easier than reading a book. I can be driving, making bracelets, doing dishes (Kurt rolls his eyes, because Kurt does the dishes in our house)… I can be interrupted a million times and just pick right back up without having to reread the chapter… This is good for me. And no, they’re not all teaching podcasts. Some are just funny.

Anyway.

 

I was listening to Christy Nockels’ podcast, The Glorious in the Mundane, and she said something that stopped me in my tracks.

She said, “Sometimes I just have to get past the way it doesn’t feel.”

 

Something that comes up in parenting a LOT is expectation management. My five year old is an idealistic, romantic, creative, imaginative, planner. She builds these stories in her head about how a visit to Abbey’s homestead or a trip to a restaurant is going to play out, and if the visit doesn’t go exactly as she’d expected it to go, she. melts. down.

It doesn’t matter if the visit was perfectly amazing by any other standard. Last Friday, we went out to Abbey’s and spent a few hours playing outside, hanging out with animals, eating watermelon, and adventuring. But when it came time to go, she lost it. She thought she’d be having a sleepover and could not wrap her mind around the fact that it wasn’t an option. She screamed for a good fifteen minutes in the car, “I hate this day!”

 

Nevermind all the things she did get to do. She was focused on the one thing she didn’t.

 

 

 

And God’s like, “Yep.”

“Sometimes it doesn’t feel special. It doesn’t feel inspiring. Sometimes it doesn’t even feel right! But sometimes it starts to feel right when we just get past it not feeling right.”

-Christy Nockels, The Glorious in the Mundane

Getting ready for this trip to Serbia is different this year.

Because it’s my third (Kurt’s fourth) summer in a row, we feel like asking for support is harder, planning meetings haven’t been scheduled the same way, prayer nights haven’t worked out the way we’d hoped… It just looks differently than we’d expected.

And I, ever the idealist, am asking, “Did we miss it? Where is the grace? Why is this harder/different? Are we even supposed to be going?”

I mean, this isn’t a vacation to Great Wolf Lodge, friends. This is me and my husband packing up FIVE KIDS for a MONTH to travel halfway across the world, because God put it in our hearts to sow into the Balkans – sometimes just by being there and not by doing anything. This is crazy counter-cultural to how midwestern, suburban Americans function.

Like, I’m just trying to get my Cartwheel loaded before I check out. Amirite?

 

 

But as I listened to Christy, I just felt the Lord nudging my heart.

Check your expectations. I’m not going to do things as I’ve always done them. This is a new thing. New day. New mercies. New miracles. Draw near. Trust me.

When the job doesn’t go like we thought, or marriage isn’t the ideal we had in mind when we took those engagement photos, or being a mom was totally different and far less glamorous than we’d dreamed it could be, or the buzz of the novelty of “missions trips” has worn off.

 

I mean, this isn’t a vacation to Great Wolf Lodge, friends.

This is me and my husband, packing up five kids for a month, to travel halfway across the world, because God put it in our hearts to sow into the Balkans. Even if it means just being there and not doing anything. 

What an incredible honor.

How humbling.

 

Father, I surrender my expectations, my desire to control things, my feelings and instincts. My life is in Your hands. I am Yours no matter what. I trust You. 

 

Our generation was told to question everything and trust our guts. But my guts are mine. And my life is His.

Maybe someone else needed to hear this today. ❤

But how can they call on Him to save them unless they believe in Him? And how can they believe in Him if they have never heard about Him? And how can they hear about Him unless someone tells them? That is why the Scriptures say, ‘How beautiful are the feet of the messengers who bring good news!’

Romans 10:14-15

 

**Addendum: This post isn’t about issues of safety (perceived or otherwise). If you’re in a situation and your “gut” tells you to get out, maybe perk up and listen. This post is about choices made out of obedience to God that may not “feel right,” and sticking with things even when our emotions don’t align with what we know to be truth. Waiting for something to “feel right” is about leaning into the Holy Spirit and listening, not stubbornly hanging out in a dangerous situation. Hopefully that’s clear, but I felt it worth mentioning.  ❤ **